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Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Life

It doesn't get any easier, I keep imagining that she will come bounding through the front door any minute telling me all about her day and what she did. She isn't coming back though is she, not now, not ever...............
Life moves along, each day just like the last nothing special.  I get up and do what it is I have to do, then go to bed.  I am sure that life is going to get a little easier eventually, that is what I hope for.  We had a service at church on Sunday talking about why God does bad things to good people.  Basically the answer is - "we will never know until we come face to face with God then everything will become clear"  I hope he has a good explanation as to why he is taking these beautiful children away from their families.  I found out that two more children that Emma and I got to know during her treatment have just passed as well.  They say things happen in threes, well there they are.  Emma, Renae and James.  Cancer - you need to go die and rot in HELL.........

We go on our cruise this coming Saturday. I should be excited but how can I be happy that our gorgeous little girl will not be there with us. This is the cruise that she wanted to do. 

I have started scrapbooking again.  It has proven to be a great way of escaping the everyday crap. I will share my creations with you shortly.

God Bless

Monday, February 11, 2013

4 weeks

I cannot believe that tomorrow it will be four weeks since my darling baby girl left for a big adventure :-(   Four long agonising, tortuous weeks.  They have gone so fast yet so slow.
I miss her like crazy.  I miss the sound of her voice, the touch of her hand, the smell of her hair.  Oh how my heart aches just to hear her voice again.  I think back to all those times where you get frustrated with your children and tell them to go away - boy oh boy if only.  Those two words - if only - you keep saying to yourself if only I did this or if only I did that then maybe just maybe we would have our princess here with us now.  It doesn't work that way though, does it.  I have to keep believing that God has a bigger plan and that Emma was part of that plan.  I struggle with my faith at the moment.  I keep asking why?  If there was really a God why would he do this to poor sweet innocent children.  Why make them suffer, Why put them through so much pain and agony.  I wonder if it was something that we did......  Is god punishing us by taking her away.  I guess I won't even know any of these answers until I meet the big fella himself.  Boy oh boy is he going to have some questions to answer!!!!!!!

I see signs, a heart shaped cloud, feathers randomly falling from the sky and beautiful blue butterflies floating around our garden.  She is here with us, my only wish is that I could see her just one last time.

Emma, mumma loves you to infinity plus one xxxxxxxxxxxxxx