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Monday, February 11, 2013

4 weeks

I cannot believe that tomorrow it will be four weeks since my darling baby girl left for a big adventure :-(   Four long agonising, tortuous weeks.  They have gone so fast yet so slow.
I miss her like crazy.  I miss the sound of her voice, the touch of her hand, the smell of her hair.  Oh how my heart aches just to hear her voice again.  I think back to all those times where you get frustrated with your children and tell them to go away - boy oh boy if only.  Those two words - if only - you keep saying to yourself if only I did this or if only I did that then maybe just maybe we would have our princess here with us now.  It doesn't work that way though, does it.  I have to keep believing that God has a bigger plan and that Emma was part of that plan.  I struggle with my faith at the moment.  I keep asking why?  If there was really a God why would he do this to poor sweet innocent children.  Why make them suffer, Why put them through so much pain and agony.  I wonder if it was something that we did......  Is god punishing us by taking her away.  I guess I won't even know any of these answers until I meet the big fella himself.  Boy oh boy is he going to have some questions to answer!!!!!!!

I see signs, a heart shaped cloud, feathers randomly falling from the sky and beautiful blue butterflies floating around our garden.  She is here with us, my only wish is that I could see her just one last time.

Emma, mumma loves you to infinity plus one xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

9 comments:

Michelle Cecil said...

Leanne, the list of questions is HUGE and I know only He has the answers. His ways are not our ways, His plans are so much greater than ours....although we are not always able to see that. When you ask the question 'why let such a beautiful and innocent child suffer?', I know I cannot answer that one either, but one thing I do know for sure is the strength, courage and determination with which Emma faced this battle is something that I (and I am assuming many other adults) would not have been able to do. Being only a child, and facing such challenges, she has taught those of us, who in theory should have been so much older, wiser and stronger, just how to be wise and strong, how to stand strong in our faith, show maturity beyond her years and how to run the race with endurance. God uses the best to teach us......He chose Emma and boy didn't she show us all a thing or two...or three! What a blessed mumma..... huge hugs xxxxxxxx

Lizzyc said...

Hi Leanne.. I can not even fathom your loss.. or your heartache, or your emptiness.. but I am here reading what you write, and I hope you know I am still praying.. get mad at God - He can take it... and one day we all will understand and see clearly why things happen the way they do... Your beautiful girl is with you and always will be until you cross the bridge and go to Heaven too... God knows and I pray He will never let you think that He doesn't... with love, lizzy

Kelly said...

I have no answers - but sending you big hugs my beautiful friend. My heart aches for you xxx

Kim Peacock said...

xxxxxxx

Julie Tucker-Wolek said...

{{{hugs}}} and many prayers and love your way my friend....

Michele the Witch said...

Hi Leanne, I hope that the virtual hugs and the words and thoughts, give you some small comfort. I think of you often and hope you are ok. Be kind to yourself.

Sar said...

Just popped in to say I'm thinking of you. Think of you every day. Sending lots of hugs through this big ol' internet of ours. xxx

Karen said...

Leanne I can't imagine the pain that you are feeling. I do admire and respect the courage, and faith you have shown it truley amazes me. I really hope that you all enjoy your holiday, you have all been through so much and it will be nice for you all to get away and enjoy each others love and company.

Car said...

Sometimes I think No answer is the only answer; life works in mysterious and painful ways at time.
Ive thought of you often and hoped that you continue to put one foot before the other as you slowly traipse this painful path xxx