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Sunday, January 27, 2013


One of Emma's last wishes was to go on a cruise to Vanuatu.  She did not make it but Stuart, Jacob and I are taking her in February  She won't be with us physically but will be there in spirit. I will be taking "Madden" her teddy with me so it will feel like she is with us.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Almost a week

It has been almost a week since we said our good byes.  Wow the week has gone by so fast.  It has been a week of ups and lots of downs and lots of laughs as the family gather to recall funny times they have had with you.  Your funeral was amazing to say the least.  I laughed and I cried and sometimes both at the same time.  I hope you were happy with what we did.  We were all wearing blue and the girls were wearing moustache earrings.  Daddy didn't say a thing about the earrings although I bet he wanted to.  

For those that don't know the story - Emma had these cute little black moustache earrings and whenever she would wear them Stuart told her that she would have a shitty day. It became a bit of a joke for the two of them.  We buried you with those earrings and daddy said it was perfect.... You also took with you your baby doll Ali, she was with you since you were a baby and you took her everywhere.  She was in theatre with you for every surgery too and slept with you during every bad night.  You loved that doll like crazy and had many a conversation with her.  I hope you got to read all the letters that your cousins gave you to take.  There were lots that's for sure.  

I have been doing ok this week.  I believe it is because I know where you are and I know who you are with.  You are safe, free from harm and will never be sick again for all eternity.  You are now perfect Emma in every way.  I miss holding you, I miss stroking that gorgeous soft hair of yours and I really miss the times we would just sit and be silly or just talk.  I wish you could come home for just a moment so I could say goodbye properly and so that I could just see you one more time.  I guess there will always be those "just one more time moments" 

Emma Jade Love you were my rock, my little chicky licky, my everything.  I still cannot believe that it has almost been a week.
Love you to infinity (plus one) baby girl

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

RIP sweet baby girl

There are no words, no words that could ever possible explain the pain that I am feeling at this moment.  To say that my heart has shattered would be the understatement of the century.  My body is numb yet I hurt all over.  I keep asking why, why our dear innocent sweet Emma.  Why not me or Stuart.  Why take someone who had their whole lives ahead of them.  I am never going to have the pleasure of kissing her forehead or holding her hand.  She will never have the opportunity of finding her one true love, getting married and having the family of 5 that she so wanted.  I miss her, I keep going to her bedroom but she isn't there.  How do I go for the rest of my life never being able to talk, touch or see my beautiful baby girl.

The last night of her life was the hardest.  Emma struggled so so much to try and breath.  We got an ambulance to the hospital but she had already started to go.  She couldn't breathe, she was delirious, I held her hand and told her that mummy and daddy loved her to the moon and back and that if it was all too hard then she just needed to close her eyes and find the angels to play with.

I can't believe she is not going to be here in the morning when we awaken.  How do we move forward, is it even possible.

RIP Emma Jade (loop loop) Love 04/01/2000 - 15/01/2013

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Rough Days

Boy oh Boy have we had a few rough days with Emma.  These past couple of weeks have been so very hard for the poor little chickadee.  She has been vomiting at least 5+ times every day with fevers and just totally depressed.  Things have started to turn a corner though - actually she has started to feel a little better ever since last Friday when she had her first high dose Vitamin C an B infusion.  She will be receiving these twice weekly to try and keep her energy levels and overall feelings up a little.  It seemed to work so we will keep going.

She is still sleeping lots, usually going to bed at about 8pm and then not waking until 10.30am.  Obviously her body is needing the extra sleep to try and repair itself.  All this cancer fighting is exhausting her tired little body.

She celebrated her birthday on Friday and had her party on Saturday.  She woke up Saturday morning depressed and wanting me to cancel the party.  I refused as Make a Wish had put so much time and effort into getting this up and going for her I was not going to disappoint.  She argued with us but we insisted she try and come outside and watch it all.  She managed about an hour and then came back inside and fell asleep.  Her friends even managed to get her into the pool although she refused to swim in it as it was a little cool for her.

I am hoping to get the photos soon.  There were some amazing ones taken and I can share a couple with you that I have taken off Facebook.
Jordan Jansen, Dale and Miss Emma with her signed picture from Jordan.

The cake cutting with mummy and daddy

Mishae and Emma

Nina, Emma and Brittany and Rikki the Ranger

Emma and her incredible cake

The lolly table - yummo

Grab a coconut and lei on your way in 

Dale (party planner extraordinaire) and Miss Emma

These are the amazing women from Make-a-Wish who made this party possible for Emma

The photographer (Erin) was super amazing and we cannot thank her enough for documenting this event for us.  Another person we need to thank is Jordan Jansen.  Jordan is an up and coming star and he kindly came down and entertained the girls for us.  They all loved him especially the odd one or two.  Oh to be young again.  Jordan - Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.  You are an amazing young man and we will be watching you every step of your journey.

One of Emma's birthday gifts was a voucher to go over to "Build a Bear".  Emma woke up this morning feeling a little better so we headed on over and she built a bear.  Her name is Tilly and she is the cutest.  Her cousin Katelyn also built a bear and she named hers Brax.... cute .......

Emma, Katelyn and their bears "Tilly" and "Brax"
As soon as the bears had been built and dressed Emma said it was time to head home as she was a little tired.  I was just pleased that I managed to get her out of the house for an hour.  She rested for a while and then when dad came home from work she went and sat down in the pool with him.  Thing are never going to be better for Emma but at least she is feeling well enough at the moment to enjoy these little moments.

God Bless and to those who pray and send us kind thoughts - thank you


Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Sea World swim with Dolphins

Emma was lucky enough to experience a swim with the dolphin on the weekend.  Her nan and pa gave her this experience for her 13th birthday which is this Friday.

She has not ben well lately and is progressively getting worse each and every day so to get her out to Sea World and into the water was quite a mission.  She did it though and thought it was fabulous.

getting a smooch of scooter

scooter waiting patiently for Emma

Emma and Miss Scooter

Emma and Daddy learning all about dolphins

Had time to quickly check out the penguins

and we got to see the polar bears

We didn't last long.  As soon as her swim was complete we were in the car and heading home again.

I don't know how much longer we are going to have our little girl as her tumour is growing so fast. As a parent I think that this is the most horrific thing I will ever have to go through in my life.  It does not seem fair.  I still keep asking "why Emma" I have been praying madly that God will jump in any moment now and heal our little baby girl.  She just has so much to offer I cannot believe that this may be the last birthday that I have her here physically.

We have an appointment with another doctor on Friday to speak about IV high dose vitamin C and Vitamin B17 (apricot kernels) Our naturopath recommended we make an appointment so hopefully this doctor can either cure Emma or at least let emma not suffer as much as she is.  I will let you know how this goes.

Happy New Year and may God shower you with blessings for 2013